Once upon a time in a land far, far away, the tutelary spirit to a magical bridge rapidly approaches burnout. Meanwhile, congress enacts a complex auditing system designed to un-waste your youth, a banished fairy answers a Craigslist ad, a Victorian orphan gains literacy for her occult situationship, and a multiverse assassin contemplates the one who got away. Escape the slow trudge of mortality with these magical ruminations on life, death, and the love (or revenge) that outlasts both, featuring modified fairytales, contemporary heists, absurdist poetry, and at least one set of actual wedding vows.