Absalom Scryne, the greatest wizard of his generation, has been murdered. There's no other explanation for why his consciousness now resides in his well-worn but perfectly pointed hat. Well, he isn't going to take that lying down . . . or hanging from a branch, as the case may be. Instead, he'll hop on the head of the first foul-smelling kobold that comes along and convince it that it's in everyone's best interests for them to undertake the epic journey through the Badlands—past horny necromancers, rustic werewolves, and rampaging ogres—back to the shining city of magic at the heart of civilization, where he will promptly kick the backside of whoever it was that finally managed to stab him in the back. Assuming, that is, he can teach a kobold how to use magic, survive all the roaming adventurers who consider a kobold to be a very minor payday, and prevent anyone else from claiming the wealth of arcane knowledge that is now bound within the rather handsome piece of haberdashery that he has become.